Let's face it: English is an odd language.
There is no egg in an eggplant
No ham in hamburgers
And neither pine nor apple in a pineapple.
A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
French fries are claimed by the Belgians, not the French.
And boxing rings are definitely square.
If lawyers can be disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
shouldn't it follow that electricians may be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed,
and dry cleaners depressed?
Now if writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
Since the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
And in the same way, that, during my youth, teachers taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
Most people take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes us down slowly
And when stating that four men out of five suffer from headaches,
It doesn’t imply that the fifth one enjoys it.
Knowing that a vegetarian eats vegetables
doesn’t tell what a humanitarian eats!?
Could someone explain why people do recite at a play
And yet play at a recital.
Or why Americans park on driveways
And drive on parkways
Or how can the weather be as hot as hell on one day,
And as cold as hell on another one
Shouldn’t we wonder at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up
As it burns down.
And in which I’m suppose to fill in a form
… by filling it out.
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it betrays the ambiguities of this human race
(which of course isn't a race at all)
where a person who plays the piano is called a pianist
but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
That is why when the stars are out, they are visible
But when the lights are out, they are invisible
So why is it that when I wind up my watch
But when I wind up this kind of fantasy